Funny mechanical stories

[Bones]

Has anyone got any funny mechanical mishaps they've done, or know of someone who has done something stupid in a mechanical type of way???..... I'll start off.

Back in the mid to late 70s I had a mate who was a "supposedly" qualified  mechanic who at the time owned a GT 380 Suzuki, which would've been the biggest pile of shit around. One day I went around to his place to find him bright red, sweating, kicking away trying to start it before finally in a triad of abuse, pushed it on it's side telling it to rot in hell.

Once he cooled down, I offered him a tow on my Elsinore  trailie which he accepted, so out with the tow rope and bruppp bruppp bruppp up the road before I finally asked him if there was any petrol in it. With a stupid laugh and look to match, he it checked it to find it bone dry.

Filled it with petrol, brupp brupp up the road again then suddenly it roars into life and him having totally forgotten about the tow rope tries to overtake me which ends up with both of us lying in the middle of the road laughing our guts out.

                                                Tony.

[Dads_FJ]

This should be good.

[red]

Okay, I was just a teenager, with my first-ever bike, living where you could get a MC license two years younger than a car license.  Had lots of head knowledge, and tons of good advice there, but zero practical experience.  It was a great day, just out riding around town, and getting a good feel for my new wheels.  

I stopped smoothly at a red light, and idly blipped the throttle once, V-room . . .  CLANG!  What th'?  The engine sounded normal, so I tried it again.  Vroom . . . CLANG!  Now, WHAT was making that horrible noise!?!   Still, the engine sounded okay just idling, but I was getting into panic mode.  I tried again, to find that noise.  
Vroom, Vroom, VROOOOM!!  . . .  CLANG!  Aw, man, this sounded pretty serious!  My new-to-me bike was gonna self-destruct!  The street behind me was empty, so I put down the side stand and got off, fast.  I grabbed the key from the ignition, to keep things from getting any worse, and the smoothly idling engine went silent.  Then, a few seconds later . . . CLANG!!

I looked all around, then looked UP;
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I was stopped next to some poor church, which had the worst-sounding church-bell that I had ever heard.  CLANG!      

[Dads_FJ]

Not really funny but:

About 12 years ago I bought a 1980 RM60 for my oldest (he was 5) and rebuilt the whole bike in the basement that winter - Think I paid $200.  Come spring it was time to introduce Jamie to the fun of riding on his own - I knew the bike ran because I had started it a few times inside the house .  He was a quick learn and rode the wheels of that bike for a few years and finally outgrew it and we passed it down to my two other sons and they each outgrew it.

It turned into a pit-bike basically and we brought it camping and to the AMA vintage swap meet/races in Ohio (about 700 miles from home).  Where it was stolen the last evening of our stay.  Fuck.  We called security with a description of the bike and searched the grounds but it was a very busy place with all the people preparing to leave.  As we watched the train of people leaving the grounds with their enclosed trailers behind them our hearts sank as we had to leave too.  FUCK!  fuck fuck fuck!  Why to people have to be such Fuckers!  fuck...

So off we left for our home in Minnesota driving though the night when about 2:00AM I got a call from the security people at the track - they found our bike!  Now what?  I'm in Chicago still headed for home!  I get the guys's name and try to think of options to get it returned to us.  Searching the internets there are a lot of trucking services, but it's going to cost a fortune.  I call the security desk everyday for a week telling them I'm working on retrieving it and everyday I speak to someone different who says "Oh, that's YOUR bike?"  One guy wants to buy it from me.  Maybe that's the option...  Talk to the kids.  No, not an option.  I find a site where you post what you need moved and where and how much you'll spend and people bid on it.  One bid came in from a couple of men who have a pick up truck and they'll deliver it to me for $200.  Sold.  A day or two later I meet them in the Menards parking lot in Rochester MN and help them unload it.  One kick... ONE KICK and I'm riding around the lot with the largest grin you've ever seen, well almost as big as my kids when I showed up with it .  We still have the bike - but next time we go to Ohio I'm briniging a lock.

The end.

[The General]

Okay, here`s one. (Though not completeley mechanical, it`s about fouling spark plugs).

When I was about 18 years old I enjoyed riding a second hand Honda SL250 scrambler. (Not sure of that model number, but it was a heavy 1964 two cylinder model with upswept exhausts, Rare and worth money theses days). I use to compete in the local Scrambles (motocross) at Moorebank (NSW)....In fact I pillioned this sexy little 16 year old girlfriend from home to the pit area, removed mirrors, number plates etc, raced her all afternoon (the Bike!) and pillioned her back home some 30 klms....sorry I digress...but those were the days!  (She was a keeper!)

Anyhow... it did occasionally oil up the spark plugs if ya didn`t keep her really cooking at the start!
 
Well following a number of mishaps at the races my dear old Mum refused to go and watch on account of me falling off a lot, usually in front of where she sat. So one particular Sunday I convinced her to attend and she agreed, provided she was positioned viewing the start/finish line in the main straight, cause no incidences ever occurred there!

So, I`m on the noisy starting grid and we`re about 20 bikes wide with another two rows behind me, all starting in the same race. (I`ve still got an old program somewhere showing over a hundred riders in the one race on that circuit!)

My eyes are fixed on the first Corner at the end of the straight that only takes 5 bikes wide and has timber walls both sides to protect the spectators and I`m determined to get that hole shot.

Now in those days ya didn`t have fancy start barriers, just a marshal that triggered a Go sign when he was happy with the starters. At that moment we had to be in neutral with our Clutch hand placed on our Helmet!

It was a thunderous roar as I grabbed for the clutch and let her rip, noting out the corner of me eye, a front wheel beside me had jumped and leaped in the air. (I always used tha clutch, never thought of just jumping on the gear lever..as it was I tended ta get too much wheel spin from this heavy brute!)

Anyhow, we`re away, then Damn!, just as I get going she drops in acceleration and I`m cursing those next heat range up, spark plugs as I momentarily pull in the clutch, sing her up to full revs almost instantly and we`re off again... but everyone is shouldering off me as the second Row on the Grid come charging through, she fouls again and I clear her again two more times while jostling the third wave of bikes!.
I`ve just got her into third gear when I spied flags and marshals jumping the fence and running at me most upset, while apparently Mum`s having a heart attack watchin the Melee!

So, still in third gear, I glanced down and observed a boot jammed between my rear break Hub and the shock. Unfortunateley there was a foot still in it, but luckily the rest of the body was still attached!

...Mum never did attend anymore of my conquests at the track. Seeing some rider get slammed back on the ground everytime he got a chance to sit up trying ta get his foot outa me wheel was enough for her! The knobbly marks on his arms and shoulders showed the competitive nature of the sport...besides, how can ya go around a body when you`ve got blokes jammed in beside ya and someone in front must have fouled his plugs or somethin! 

[fj johnnie]

 Excellent idea for a thread. Here is one of my stories. It 1986,  myself and four friends are riding to Vancouver ,B.C. , from Niagara Ontario. The trip is around 5,000 k each way. We are riding two FZ750's, an Interceptor 750 and a 750 Virago. As we are riding along on the prairies, bored to tears, my friend Harold feels something hit his chest. As he removes his hand from the left grip and lowers it to his side a small bolt falls into it. (his hand ). As he looks at it he wonders from where it may have come, so he puts it in his pocket.
Fast forward a few days we are in B.C. and our bikes are covered in grasshopper guts so we decide to wash them. As I am washing my beautiful FZ 750 I notice that one of the bolts that hold the rubber to the foot peg is missing! Well I ask Harold for the bolt and sure enough it was the one. Once tightened we could see the paint had been worn off precisely where my foot had come into contact with it.
What are the chances of a bolt falling off, it hitting someone behind you, him catching it and still having it three days and 2000 kloms later?

[Bones]

How about I change the title from mechanial to funny motorcycle related stories.  There must be heaps out there to share.                                                                                                                                                                                                            

[Arnie]

My first bike was a Bultaco Metralla 250.  This bike had a fork lock, but no ignition lock.
So, one day I decided that I needed better security since I rode the bike to work at Fords, and left it in the company parking lot for my whole 8hr afternoon shift.  I knew a bit about electrics and decided to install a toggle switch hidden underneath the tank to interrupt the primary to the coil. 
Installed it fairly easily, it was pretty well hidden and still able to be acessed, great :-)

That night after my shift ended, I came out of the Ford (Utica, MI) plant, brushed the snow off the seat, and proceeded to turn the petcock ON, tickle the carb, close the choke, and kick......and kick, and kick, and kick.

Yep, it took me almost 1/2 hr to remember about my newly installed switch.

BTW, I don't know how much security it gave me as the whole bike only weighed 200 lbs.
 

[NJona86FJ]

O dear.
G'day !! Where should I start? Lol .
    The time I put the dt back together went for a ride, came back no battery, sidecovers or spark arrestor. The time I reused an old rocker cover gasket and lost 3/4 of my crankcase oil over the header pipes in traffic? Lmao.
Ok. Was riding home from work (Swanbank power station) to Darra. Via the Ipswich motorway. Ve hickle is blue Gpz1000rx. It's about to great big fat rain and the motorway is bad, so I take a backway past QR and the back way to Goodna. There's a little bridge and a few cars stopped with about 1/2 ft water over bridge, feelling all macho I ride over said bridge and get 500 m and the cops have closed the road as there's 20 mm of water over it. They are standing next to the rd closed sign.
Sigh.
Feet up u turn, and as I'm riding away the bike starts stuttering.
    ( the rx used to stutter and cut out when it got wet, never figured out if it was leads, caps, or what, tho I did replace leads and plugs etc., never got to the bottom of it)
Great.
  And now the bridge is flooded. As the almighty as my witness I was standing up, holding it at 3 grand slipping the clutch and the water is above my knees, people are watching, I'm determined, and I make it,!!!!
As I get to other side I blip the throttle and slip the clutch and she dies.
AAagh!?! Won't start try for 2 mins and lose my shit.
Punch the tank. Big dent.
FFS
Take my helmet off in a rage and throw it, clips my RH mirror and smashes it.
F  O   R.       F   *     *     *     S.       S      A      K     E.   
I calm I breathe I cigarette .
I get bike started. It runs on 2 cylinders and I use about 1/2? Tank to cover 15 - 20 k.
   It all ended ok 3 weeks later it ate the inlet cam snapped it in 2 right in the middle.
Dead bike never recovered.
Cheers
Neil

[Bones]

Speaking of Bultaco's, My brother had a trail bike, not sure what size it was, I think 250, and one day I jumped on it, gave it a kick, it backfired but started, and even though it was running it didn't sound quite right, didn't give it a second thought so put it in first let the clutch out and went flying backwards.

After sitting there for a bit going WTF, I then spent the next 10 min doing wheelies in reverse,  great fun but a strange feeling doing it.

Apparently Jap bikes had something fitted so they couldn't run backwards, something the Spanish hadn't fitted to their bikes.
     
                                                            Tony.

[Arnie]

Yeah, a number of 2-stroke singles will run in reverse if the timing is off a bit.
You need to not quite kick it fully to get it to backfire and then keep going in reverse.
I would occasionally have this on mine as well.

What do you mean "wheelie in reverse" ?

Arnie

[Dads_FJ]

Yeah, a number of 2-stroke singles will run in reverse if the timing is off a bit.
You need to not quite kick it fully to get it to backfire and then keep going in reverse.
I would occasionally have this on mine as well.

What do you mean "wheelie in reverse" ?

Arnie

Some newer two-stroke snowmobiles will idle down and change the ignition enough to 'back-fire' thus making the engine run backwards on purpose for reverse.  I would assume there's a rev-limiter 

[FJscott]

One night I was leaving a tavern headed for home. Decided to take the back streets trying to avoid the eyes of Johnnie lawman when in horror I noticed red flashing lights in my mirrors, F**K! So I pull over and I'm sitting on the bike waiting for the cop to pull in behind me when a train passes me by on the right. I was pulled over by a train crossing flashing lights. Just about pissed my pants laughing at myself. Got home safely and shared the story with the wife....she didn't laugh.

Scott

[Bones]

What do you mean "wheelie in reverse" ?

Arnie

Drop the clutch and spin the wheel on the grass.

[Lotsokids]

Just a few years ago I owned the biggest piece of CRAP vehicle I have ever owned - a 1991 Kawasaki ZX-11. I had the engine out 3 times. The day I sold it the transmission locked up (ball bearings exited the main shaft behind the front sprocket.

Anyway, I was adjusting the forks when I noticed the small center screw on the left had sheared and was just spinning. I left it alone, and went for a ride. I soon hit a bump, the screw came out and fork oil squirted up my jacket, helmet and faceshield. Now I was mad (in the literal sense). I got home and grabbed my welder. I proceeded to WELD THE TOP OF THE FORK CLOSED. I rode it like that until I found a replacement set of forks.