1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who is playing.
9: You may f@rt in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends don't let friends wear Budgie Smugglers. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.
22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.
25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360. End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
' GUTS ' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'
' BALLS ' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'
I hope this clears up any confusion,
funny :rofl:
thanks for the laughs.
I have guts and balls.
Quote from: Mark Olson on March 03, 2010, 12:19:41 PM
funny :rofl:
thanks for the laughs.
I have guts and balls.
I too have Guts and Balls, I just hope my wife remembers to give my Balls back after she confiscated them the last time I demonstrated Guts :hang1:
24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, limegreen, orange or sky blue. Unless it has a HEMI in it...
Fixed..... :biggrin:
No, still isn't ok.
(http://www.snoozebuttondreams.com/images/DodgeVagina.jpg)
HA! Oh man, Laughed till it hurt! First time I've seen that one, now I have new way of lookin' at Mopars.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Quote from: andyb on March 03, 2010, 09:21:36 PM
No, still isn't ok.
(http://www.snoozebuttondreams.com/images/DodgeVagina.jpg)
All of the above...
(http://i48.tinypic.com/2uzy1vr.gif)(http://i48.tinypic.com/2uzy1vr.gif)(http://i48.tinypic.com/2uzy1vr.gif)(http://i48.tinypic.com/2uzy1vr.gif)(http://i48.tinypic.com/2uzy1vr.gif)
The motor vehicle parts of those "man laws" sound like the kind of thing made up by men who think a game played with a ball and/or stick is a "sport" and not a game. I propose the following changes:
2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
I propose adding: (f) When watching the new owner drive off with the truck or motorcycle you just sold.
19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
As John The Beer Scientist will tell you, any beer sold in a six-pack is unworthy of praise. I propose amending this to read, "If you compliment a guy on his Six-Pack, you'd better be talking about three carburetors on his Dodge/Plymouth."
(http://memimage.cardomain.com/ride_images/1/987/4641/2467320018_medium.jpg)
25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
Sorry, but this is completely backwards. If you can't have two racetrack cars, this rule would require that the only racetrack driving gets done in a car that belongs to her, and which you'd have to borrow. (Either that, or you'd have to give up driving cars on racetracks altogether. This idea that is not worthy of further consideration.) So, the problem of "you driving her car" is that all track driving must therefore be done in "her car," which means "she has a track car and you don't." How manly is that? And the problem with "her not driving yours" is that you then have to find a male friend to co-drive your car during a three-hour enduro – and we all know that guy friends are four times as likely to turn your car back over to you with the brakes cooked, the tires shredded, and no second gear.
Besides, Racer Chicks rule. (http://memimage.cardomain.com/ride_images/1/987/4641/2467320038_medium.jpg)
26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
Again, this is completely backwards. Some of the baddest things ever to roll down the road were Sub Lime or Grabber Blue or Go Mango orange.
(http://memimage.cardomain.com/ride_images/1/987/4641/2467320025_medium.jpg)
Any man already knows this. By contrast, silver or black is the perfect color for the BMW or Jetta owned by your sister who cannot drive a manual transmission. It is only permissible for a man to borrow such a car in an emergency, or for driving to Year One to fetch the correct header bolts needed to put his 440/Six-Pack Road Runner back on the road.
In summary, automotive portions of "Man Law" should be proposed and disposed only by men with actual knowledge about vehicles. Ball-and-stick-game aficionados can continue discussing the circumstances under which men may pat one another on the butt. (They probably think the answer should be "After a goal is scored." I guarantee you that any gearhead would say "Not ever.") But leave the car issues to car guys. it doesn't matter if you've drawn a paycheck for playing both kinds of hockey ("roller" and "field") or memorized the history of the World Cup – the fact is, if you drive around with one hand resting on the shifter, "take the car in for service," and think the only difference between a 426 and a 427 is "1" then you're just not man enough to judge a man's car / motorcycle / airplane / boat choices or to set forth "Man Law" as it relates to things with engines. Just hop in your Audi and go pick up your skirt from the dry cleaner's.
chuckles what is this thing "car" you speak of? these are unfamiliar to me.... chuckles :blum2:
Quote from: Bill_Rockoff on March 04, 2010, 07:56:23 AM
The motor vehicle parts of those "man laws" sound like the kind of thing made up by men who think a game played with a ball and/or stick is a "sport" and not a game. I propose the following changes:
2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
I propose adding: (f) When watching the new owner drive off with the truck or motorcycle you just sold.
19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
As John The Beer Scientist will tell you, any beer sold in a six-pack is unworthy of praise. I propose amending this to read, "If you compliment a guy on his Six-Pack, you'd better be talking about three carburetors on his Dodge/Plymouth."
(http://memimage.cardomain.com/ride_images/1/987/4641/2467320018_medium.jpg)
25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
Sorry, but this is completely backwards. If you can't have two racetrack cars, this rule would require that the only racetrack driving gets done in a car that belongs to her, and which you'd have to borrow. (Either that, or you'd have to give up driving cars on racetracks altogether. This idea that is not worthy of further consideration.) So, the problem of "you driving her car" is that all track driving must therefore be done in "her car," which means "she has a track car and you don't." How manly is that? And the problem with "her not driving yours" is that you then have to find a male friend to co-drive your car during a three-hour enduro – and we all know that guy friends are four times as likely to turn your car back over to you with the brakes cooked, the tires shredded, and no second gear.
Besides, Racer Chicks rule. (http://memimage.cardomain.com/ride_images/1/987/4641/2467320038_medium.jpg)
26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
Again, this is completely backwards. Some of the baddest things ever to roll down the road were SubLime or Grabber Blue or Go Mango orange.
(http://memimage.cardomain.com/ride_images/1/987/4641/2467320025_medium.jpg)
Any man already knows this. By contrast, silver or black is the perfect color for the BMW or Jetta owned by your sister who cannot drive a manual transmission. It is only permissible for a man to borrow such a car in an emergency, or for driving to Year One to fetch the correct header bolts needed to put his 440/Six-Pack Road Runner back on the road.
In summary, automotive portions of "Man Law" should be proposed and disposed only by men with actual knowledge about vehicles. Ball-and-stick-game aficionados can continue discussing the circumstances under which men may pat one another on the butt. (They probably think the answer should be "After a goal is scored." I guarantee you that any gearhead would say "Not ever.") But leave the car issues to car guys. it doesn't matter if you've drawn a paycheck for playing both kinds of hockey ("roller" and "field") or memorized the history of the World Cup – the fact is, if you drive around with one hand resting on the shifter, "take the car in for service," and think the only difference between a 426 and a 427 is "1" then you're just not man enough to judge a man's car / motorcycle / airplane / boat choices or to set forth "Man Law" as it relates to things with engines. Just hop in your Audi and go pick up your skirt from the dry cleaner's.
Exactly, this was the point of my post, above, which apparently went over the head of someone..... Good breakdown!
Quote from: RichBaker on March 04, 2010, 06:02:01 PM
Quote from: Bill_Rockoff on March 04, 2010, 07:56:23 AM
The motor vehicle parts of those "man laws" sound like the kind of thing made up by men who think a game played with a ball and/or stick is a "sport" and not a game. I propose the following changes:
2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
I propose adding: (f) When watching the new owner drive off with the truck or motorcycle you just sold.
19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
As John The Beer Scientist will tell you, any beer sold in a six-pack is unworthy of praise. I propose amending this to read, "If you compliment a guy on his Six-Pack, you'd better be talking about three carburetors on his Dodge/Plymouth."
(http://memimage.cardomain.com/ride_images/1/987/4641/2467320018_medium.jpg)
25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
Sorry, but this is completely backwards. If you can't have two racetrack cars, this rule would require that the only racetrack driving gets done in a car that belongs to her, and which you'd have to borrow. (Either that, or you'd have to give up driving cars on racetracks altogether. This idea that is not worthy of further consideration.) So, the problem of "you driving her car" is that all track driving must therefore be done in "her car," which means "she has a track car and you don't." How manly is that? And the problem with "her not driving yours" is that you then have to find a male friend to co-drive your car during a three-hour enduro – and we all know that guy friends are four times as likely to turn your car back over to you with the brakes cooked, the tires shredded, and no second gear.
Besides, Racer Chicks rule. (http://memimage.cardomain.com/ride_images/1/987/4641/2467320038_medium.jpg)
26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
Again, this is completely backwards. Some of the baddest things ever to roll down the road were SubLime or Grabber Blue or Go Mango orange.
(http://memimage.cardomain.com/ride_images/1/987/4641/2467320025_medium.jpg)
Any man already knows this. By contrast, silver or black is the perfect color for the BMW or Jetta owned by your sister who cannot drive a manual transmission. It is only permissible for a man to borrow such a car in an emergency, or for driving to Year One to fetch the correct header bolts needed to put his 440/Six-Pack Road Runner back on the road.
In summary, automotive portions of "Man Law" should be proposed and disposed only by men with actual knowledge about vehicles. Ball-and-stick-game aficionados can continue discussing the circumstances under which men may pat one another on the butt. (They probably think the answer should be "After a goal is scored." I guarantee you that any gearhead would say "Not ever.") But leave the car issues to car guys. it doesn't matter if you've drawn a paycheck for playing both kinds of hockey ("roller" and "field") or memorized the history of the World Cup – the fact is, if you drive around with one hand resting on the shifter, "take the car in for service," and think the only difference between a 426 and a 427 is "1" then you're just not man enough to judge a man's car / motorcycle / airplane / boat choices or to set forth "Man Law" as it relates to things with engines. Just hop in your Audi and go pick up your skirt from the dry cleaner's.
Exactly, this was the point of my post, above, which apparently went over the head of someone..... Good breakdown!
If your in Aus..... this is the only six_pack worthy of admiration!
Valiant E49 Charger Six Pack (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZLMLVXjSOw#normal)
Harvy
Blah blah blah.
Here's a sexy six-pack.
(http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/8882/gpc97100enginetw6.jpg)
With another one right behind it.
Yep, and 30 years ago those guys made a good number of road cars in "brown" and "sky blue"
(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:_bPsnvwiAaXtqM:http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c3/Ferrari_400.jpg) (http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:GNjsdXcmbSPvqM:http://images.businessweek)
including the 365GT4 which had a couple of similar-looking six-packs.
(http://www.qv500.com/Ferrari%20365%20&%20400%20P1%202.jpg)
In its day, this was called "the Ferrari for people who have cooled off enough about Ferraris to know they don't have to have a red one."
But then, you'd miss out on being able to drive something like this
(http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:YJfiKefFLO5IlM:http://www.100cars.co.uk/images/C034-2%2520Ferrari%2520308%2520GT4.jpg)
if you allowed yourself to be governed by arbitrary laws set down by so-called "men" who don't know anything about cars except "it's a sky-blue one."
ok is this a bike forum or what? if i wanted to look at cages id join a cage page :blum2:
Quoteok is this a bike forum or what? if i wanted to look at cages id join a cage page
{searches original post for mention of motorcycles}
{searches a second time}
{searches email titled "Man Laws" forwarded to me in 2007}
{scratches head}I dunno, i guess it's a "forwarded emails from several years ago" forum. Be sure to email this to everyone you know - Bill Gates wants your help to develop MicroSoft's email tracking software, and he'll pay you five cents for every person you send this to.
Quote from: andyb on March 04, 2010, 10:08:05 PM
Blah blah blah.
Here's a sexy six-pack.
(http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/8882/gpc97100enginetw6.jpg)
With another one right behind it.
cool model car....
its all gotten a bit serious hey..... o well. just trying to make people laff... never mind... slinks back to corner and reads back issues of classic racer..... love the mv augusta... agostini for god!!!!! :boredom:
It's all good. *I* laughed.
I just thought everyone else here might get another laugh out of the Man Laws revisions for men who like things with engines.
Keep 'em coming.
Quote from: andyb on March 04, 2010, 10:08:05 PM
Blah blah blah.
Here's a sexy six-pack.
(http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/8882/gpc97100enginetw6.jpg)
With another one right behind it.
Nope, it's a 12-pack.....
isn't the best kind of six pack a twelve pack
Here's some more MAN RULES.
The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear 'the rules'
From the female side
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down..
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question..
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1.. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched....
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as RUGBY LEAGUE or HOLDEN BEATING FORD.
1. You have enough clothes.
1.. You have too many shoes.
1. Thank you for reading this..
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Harvy
nice one harvey:D very good ahd me giggling all the way through..( its 1 am) :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: