mens laws

[Kopfjaeger]

 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who is playing.

9: You may f@rt in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13: Friends don't let friends wear Budgie Smugglers. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.

25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360. End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

' GUTS ' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'

' BALLS ' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'

I hope this clears up any confusion,

[Mark Olson]

funny 


thanks for the laughs.

I have guts and balls.

[FJSpringy]

funny 


thanks for the laughs.

I have guts and balls.

I too have Guts and Balls, I just hope my wife remembers to give my Balls back after she confiscated them the last time I demonstrated Guts 

[RichBaker]

24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, limegreen, orange or sky blue. Unless it has a HEMI in it...

Fixed.....  

[andyb]

No, still isn't ok.

[carsick]

 HA! Oh man, Laughed till it hurt! First time I've seen that one, now I have new way of lookin' at Mopars.

[FJmonkey]

 

No, still isn't ok.

[threejagsteve]

All of the above...

[Bill_Rockoff]

The motor vehicle parts of those "man laws" sound like the kind of thing made up by men who think a game played with a ball and/or stick is a "sport" and not a game.   I propose the following changes:


2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss's car.

(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

(e) When she is using her teeth.


I propose adding: (f) When watching the new owner drive off with the truck or motorcycle you just sold.


19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

As John The Beer Scientist will tell you, any beer sold in a six-pack is unworthy of praise.  I propose amending this to read, "If you compliment a guy on his Six-Pack, you'd better be talking about three carburetors on his Dodge/Plymouth."



25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

Sorry, but this is completely backwards.  If you can't have two racetrack cars, this rule would require that the only racetrack driving gets done in a car that belongs to her, and which you'd have to borrow.  (Either that, or you'd have to give up driving cars on racetracks altogether.  This idea that is not worthy of further consideration.)  So, the problem of "you driving her car" is that all track driving must therefore be done in "her car," which means "she has a track car and you don't."  How manly is that?  And the problem with "her not driving yours" is that you then have to find a male friend to co-drive your car during a three-hour enduro – and we all know that guy friends are four times as likely to turn your car back over to you with the brakes cooked, the tires shredded, and no second gear.  

Besides, Racer Chicks rule.  


26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

Again, this is completely backwards. Some of the baddest things ever to roll down the road were Sub Lime or Grabber Blue or Go Mango orange.  

Any man already knows this.  By contrast, silver or black is the perfect color for the BMW or Jetta owned by your sister who cannot drive a manual transmission.  It is only permissible for a man to borrow such a car in an emergency, or for driving to Year One to fetch the correct header bolts needed to put his 440/Six-Pack Road Runner back on the road.  

In summary, automotive portions of "Man Law" should be proposed and disposed only by men with actual knowledge about vehicles.   Ball-and-stick-game aficionados can continue discussing the circumstances under which men may pat one another on the butt.  (They probably think the answer should be "After a goal is scored."  I guarantee you that any gearhead would say "Not ever.")   But leave the car issues to car guys.  it doesn't matter if you've drawn a paycheck for playing both kinds of hockey ("roller" and "field") or memorized the history of the World Cup – the fact is, if you drive around with one hand resting on the shifter, "take the car in for service," and think the only difference between a 426 and a 427 is "1" then you're just not man enough to judge a man's car / motorcycle / airplane / boat choices or to set forth "Man Law" as it relates to things with engines.  Just hop in your Audi and go pick up your skirt from the dry cleaner's.

[Kopfjaeger]

chuckles what is this thing "car" you speak of? these are unfamiliar to me.... chuckles

[RichBaker]

The motor vehicle parts of those "man laws" sound like the kind of thing made up by men who think a game played with a ball and/or stick is a "sport" and not a game.   I propose the following changes:


2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss's car.

(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

(e) When she is using her teeth.


I propose adding: (f) When watching the new owner drive off with the truck or motorcycle you just sold.


19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

As John The Beer Scientist will tell you, any beer sold in a six-pack is unworthy of praise.  I propose amending this to read, "If you compliment a guy on his Six-Pack, you'd better be talking about three carburetors on his Dodge/Plymouth."



25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

Sorry, but this is completely backwards.  If you can't have two racetrack cars, this rule would require that the only racetrack driving gets done in a car that belongs to her, and which you'd have to borrow.  (Either that, or you'd have to give up driving cars on racetracks altogether.  This idea that is not worthy of further consideration.)  So, the problem of "you driving her car" is that all track driving must therefore be done in "her car," which means "she has a track car and you don't."  How manly is that?  And the problem with "her not driving yours" is that you then have to find a male friend to co-drive your car during a three-hour enduro – and we all know that guy friends are four times as likely to turn your car back over to you with the brakes cooked, the tires shredded, and no second gear.  

Besides, Racer Chicks rule.  


26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

Again, this is completely backwards. Some of the baddest things ever to roll down the road were SubLime or Grabber Blue or Go Mango orange.  

Any man already knows this.  By contrast, silver or black is the perfect color for the BMW or Jetta owned by your sister who cannot drive a manual transmission.  It is only permissible for a man to borrow such a car in an emergency, or for driving to Year One to fetch the correct header bolts needed to put his 440/Six-Pack Road Runner back on the road.  

In summary, automotive portions of "Man Law" should be proposed and disposed only by men with actual knowledge about vehicles.   Ball-and-stick-game aficionados can continue discussing the circumstances under which men may pat one another on the butt.  (They probably think the answer should be "After a goal is scored."  I guarantee you that any gearhead would say "Not ever.")   But leave the car issues to car guys.  it doesn't matter if you've drawn a paycheck for playing both kinds of hockey ("roller" and "field") or memorized the history of the World Cup – the fact is, if you drive around with one hand resting on the shifter, "take the car in for service," and think the only difference between a 426 and a 427 is "1" then you're just not man enough to judge a man's car / motorcycle / airplane / boat choices or to set forth "Man Law" as it relates to things with engines.  Just hop in your Audi and go pick up your skirt from the dry cleaner's.

Exactly, this was the point of my post, above, which apparently went over the head of someone..... Good breakdown!

[Harvy]

The motor vehicle parts of those "man laws" sound like the kind of thing made up by men who think a game played with a ball and/or stick is a "sport" and not a game.   I propose the following changes:


2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss's car.

(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

(e) When she is using her teeth.


I propose adding: (f) When watching the new owner drive off with the truck or motorcycle you just sold.


19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

As John The Beer Scientist will tell you, any beer sold in a six-pack is unworthy of praise.  I propose amending this to read, "If you compliment a guy on his Six-Pack, you'd better be talking about three carburetors on his Dodge/Plymouth."



25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

Sorry, but this is completely backwards.  If you can't have two racetrack cars, this rule would require that the only racetrack driving gets done in a car that belongs to her, and which you'd have to borrow.  (Either that, or you'd have to give up driving cars on racetracks altogether.  This idea that is not worthy of further consideration.)  So, the problem of "you driving her car" is that all track driving must therefore be done in "her car," which means "she has a track car and you don't."  How manly is that?  And the problem with "her not driving yours" is that you then have to find a male friend to co-drive your car during a three-hour enduro – and we all know that guy friends are four times as likely to turn your car back over to you with the brakes cooked, the tires shredded, and no second gear.  

Besides, Racer Chicks rule.  


26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

Again, this is completely backwards. Some of the baddest things ever to roll down the road were SubLime or Grabber Blue or Go Mango orange.  

Any man already knows this.  By contrast, silver or black is the perfect color for the BMW or Jetta owned by your sister who cannot drive a manual transmission.  It is only permissible for a man to borrow such a car in an emergency, or for driving to Year One to fetch the correct header bolts needed to put his 440/Six-Pack Road Runner back on the road.  

In summary, automotive portions of "Man Law" should be proposed and disposed only by men with actual knowledge about vehicles.   Ball-and-stick-game aficionados can continue discussing the circumstances under which men may pat one another on the butt.  (They probably think the answer should be "After a goal is scored."  I guarantee you that any gearhead would say "Not ever.")   But leave the car issues to car guys.  it doesn't matter if you've drawn a paycheck for playing both kinds of hockey ("roller" and "field") or memorized the history of the World Cup – the fact is, if you drive around with one hand resting on the shifter, "take the car in for service," and think the only difference between a 426 and a 427 is "1" then you're just not man enough to judge a man's car / motorcycle / airplane / boat choices or to set forth "Man Law" as it relates to things with engines.  Just hop in your Audi and go pick up your skirt from the dry cleaner's.

Exactly, this was the point of my post, above, which apparently went over the head of someone..... Good breakdown!

If your in Aus..... this is the only six_pack worthy of admiration!

Valiant E49 Charger Six Pack

Harvy

[andyb]

Blah blah blah.

Here's a sexy six-pack.



With another one right behind it.

[Bill_Rockoff]

Yep, and 30 years ago those guys made a good number of road cars in "brown" and "sky blue"

including the 365GT4 which had a couple of similar-looking six-packs.

In its day, this was called "the Ferrari for people who have cooled off enough about Ferraris to know they don't have to have a red one."  

But then, you'd miss out on being able to drive something like this

if you allowed yourself to be governed by arbitrary laws set down by so-called "men" who don't know anything about cars except "it's a sky-blue one."

[Kopfjaeger]

ok is this a bike forum or what? if i wanted to look at cages id join a cage page