Let there be Dark

[ribbert]

Anyone who has owned a car with Lucas electrics, if sufficient time has passed since, will see not only see the humour in these jokes but the grain of truth.

•   Why didn't the Germans bomb the Lucas plants during WWII? The Germans considered Lucas an ally.

•   The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

•   Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

•   Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

•   The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

•   The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

•   "I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob..."

•   If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

•   It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

•   Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't    matter which one you use, nothing happens!"

•   Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.

•   Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.

•   Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

•   Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."

•   Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

•   Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices.

•   In the 1980's Lucas tried to get into the newly burgeoning PC market, but they discontinued the product when they couldn't make it leak oil.

•   Why are there no skyscrapers in London? Lucas makes elevators

•   Lucas Factory motto, put in a good day's work then home before dark.

•   Why is there no death penalty in England? Lucas makes electric chairs.

[movenon]

That's funny and all to true...... Helped restore a Morgen. I think it was the cotton covered wires stapled to a wood beam from the factory ,that got me.... And there were a few BSA's (I do not remember if they were Lucas but they certainly had some of the same problems)  ......

Not a Lucas story, but. I was in the local BMW shop a few years ago and over heard an "the world centers around BMW enthusiast dressed in his suit and tie" explain to everyone in ear shot distance about how good the BMW electrics have evolved.
Having worked on my BMW RT a lot over that period I knew why there electrics had gotten so much better.
I told "Mr proud to own a BMW" that if he would take a screw driver and open up his switch's on the bars that he would see a embossed area that proudly said "Made in Japan". He told me I was full of crap then the service manager came out and informed him I was correct.... All the wiring and switch's were from Japan.

Please know I am not bad mouthing BMW's. I have owned them and possably will own more. They are good bikes and do have there strong points as other bikes also do. Its just a story along the way  .
George

[1tinindian]

The Prince of Darkness, oh how I know him well.
(owner of my fathers original 1960 Triumph Bonneville)

Leon

[RichBaker]

I was a mechanic in an MG/Jag dealership, '77-'79.......  Plenty of experience with Lucas Electrics.  We were also a BMW and Toyota dealer.

Toyotas were the only ones we DIDN'T make money on..... 

[craigo]

I was a mechanic in an MG/Jag dealership, '77-'79.......  Plenty of experience with Lucas Electrics.  We were also a BMW and Toyota dealer.

Toyotas were the only ones we DIDN'T make money on..... 

Just watched Cars 2 with the grandkid, and Tow Mater even commented on how bad Lucas Electrics are.

CraigO

[ribbert]

I was a mechanic in an MG/Jag dealership, '77-'79.......  Plenty of experience with Lucas Electrics.  We were also a BMW and Toyota dealer.

Toyotas were the only ones we DIDN'T make money on..... 

Australia didn't really manufacture it's own cars until the early 50's, so everything we drove came from the UK with Lucas electrics. Then there was the BMC craze of the 70's, Mini's and their bigger siblings. One nifty thing (and just as well) was everything could be pulled apart. Switches, relays, pumps even globe holders.
The tree huggers would have approved of the fabric covered wiring, it was biodegradable, particularly in a humid climate, a process that started not long after you bought the car.

[Steve_in_Florida]

Lucas electrics, how I know thee well...

I've owned an MG Midget since high school, and worked in a British car repair shop not too long ago.

I could bore you to tears with tales of DPO (Dumb Previous Owner) kludges and electrical "repairs", trying to outwit the Lucas engineers. Sometimes, to the extent of attempting a parallel "alternate" wiring harness??? It's common to find an additional 50 to 100 meters of wiring added to a typical "Brit" car, in an attempt to make the brake lights/running lights/head lights/cabin light work.

Bullet connectors that build up internal resistance due to corrosion. Little tube "connectors", designed to join two bullet connectors, that crumble into dust when you squeeze them. Engines that won't crank because the engine to chassis ground strap is missing or incorrectly hooked up. Headlight "rocker" switches that come apart behind the dash, or heat up excessively from resistance due to corrosion. Center console flasher switches that are "ground zero" for emergency hazard/turn signal problem diagnostics.

...and OF COURSE, every Brit car repair shop needs an ample amount of Lucas Replacement Wiring Harness Smoke in stock:

Steve

[fintip]

^...smoke?

Wut?

[jscgdunn]

Yes that bottle is usually located next to the pail of steam and the hole stretcher

[fj11.5]

That's the bottle the apprentice has to get ,the day after he was sent for a left handed screwdriver and a long weight 
pommy cars, weird little beasts,I owned a morris marina coupe`,  second owner , had no problems in the few years I owned it  but sometimes the starter motor would freeze up and not turn over, morris were kind enough to build them with an external squared off shaft that you could use a wrench/shifter on to move said frozen starter motor, and allow you to then start the car  , lucas electrics of course

[RichBaker]

^...smoke?

Wut?

Gotta replace the smoke after it gets out of the wires, dontchaknow.....  Never, never let the smoke out of the wires!!    

[Zwartie]

^...smoke?

Wut?

Gotta replace the smoke after it gets out of the wires, dontchaknow.....  Never, never let the smoke out of the wires!!    

All electronic components are made out of smoke and the idea is to keep the smoke on the inside. Once it escapes, that's the end of it. I used to think that was a universal truth for all electronics until I dropped a cell phone into an open channel of water (wastewater, actually). As the cell phone was sinking to the bottom of the channel I could see tiny bubbles escape from the phone. I was able to retrieve it and even tried to dry it out but was never able to get the bubbles back into it. So depending on the application, your electrical / electronic device may utilize smoke or bubble technology or in some cases, both!

Zwartie

[RichBaker]

Bubbles are smoke underwater..... 

[FJ Jeff]

Yes let's not forget the motorcycles. I own a '75 Trident 750, formerly an "outdoor" bike, under a tarp for 7 years. Funny the electric leg worked and the neutral light lit.  Everything else, switch, indicator, or lamp would not.  Well everything works now (have I spoken too soon and temped the God's?) and totally restored it back in 1993.  Still runs and looks sharp!
Oh and I think the correct term is "Magic Smoke", all electric and electronic things work on the stuff, and once you "let it out" there is no putting it back. 

[FJ111200]

Sort Of Dark And A Bit Strange

http://www.yamahaxjrclub.com/