A few chuckles

[I make oil]

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard."

The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a mustache."

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said, "You're pulling my leg."

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.

[I make oil]

Grandma walks into the dentist & pulls down her pants. The dentist says "Ma'am I'm a dentist." The grandma says "I know, my husband needs his teeth back".

[I make oil]

.. In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son, 14 year old Billy Bob, to learn the facts of life. He takes him to the local house of ill repute, which is fronted by a beauty parlor.
Bubba introduces Billy Bob to the madam, and explains that it's time for his indoctrination to sex."

The madam says, "Bubba you've been such a good customer over the years, I'm going to see to this personally."

So the madam takes Billy Bob by the hand and leads him upstairs, where she completes his deflowering.

Later, as they are walking downstairs the madam says, "Since this is your first time, I'm going to see that you get the full treatment before you leave, I'm going to give you a manicure."

Two weeks later Bubba and Billy Bob run into the madam on the main street. Billy Bob is acting a little shy. so the madam smiles and says,

"Well, Billy Bob, don't you remember me?"

"Yes ma'am the boy stammers, "You're the lady that gave me the crabs and then cut off my fingernails so I couldn't scratch 'em."