R.I.P. Dan

[Steve_in_Florida]

I've been sitting on this information for a while, trying to deal with it.

Back in late August of this year, my friend Dan had been helping me move some stuff across town. That morning, after loading up his pickup truck, he asked to talk to me inside the house about a serious matter. There, he disclosed that he was dying of liver and kidney problems, and wanted to go out his own way. He spoke of renting a gun at the local indoor shooting range. He also spoke of driving into the path of a semi truck, but didn't want to harm anyone else.

I suggested that since I have two bikes running, that we take an epic motorcycle trip. Suggested skydiving. Maybe visit some local state parks. He stated that he didn't want to stray too far from local medical care. We moved the stuff, and parted ways as he wasn't feeling very good. I wished him well, and stated that we'd talk the next day.

The next afternoon, I saw this article on the local newspaper web site:

http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/2011-08-25/news/os-apopka-shoot-straight-shooting-20110825_1_gun-range-apopka-police-officer-steve-popp

It stated that a man had attempted suicide at the local gun range. The time was approximately 1:30 pm. He had attempted to call me at 12:15 pm. I wasn't home at the time. He left no message.

He survived the attempt, but was on life support. The decision was made to pull the plug the following day, just days shy of his 30th birthday.

I took these two photos of him sitting on one of my FJ's, just after we talked inside my house:





Dan was an extremely talented musician, copier/printer tech, and computer/networking engineer. We worked together at a computer company around 2004, and had become good friends.

I miss you buddy! I just wish your pain had been more manageable.

[Kennyg]

Sorry for your loss Steve.....Dan was fortunate to have shared some of his time with you.Take care.     Ken 

[fj11.5]

Sorry for your loss mate,just a shame the docs couldn't do now for him, hope he,s in a better place with the wind in his hair and the sun on his back

[Lotsokids]

That's one of the saddest stories I've ever read. I'm really sorry. Please don't take personal responsibility for this. You did what you could. Sounds like you were a good friend.

[racerman_27410]

I'm sorry to read this....at this point in my life i cant imagine suicide but to be honest until i am in their shoes i can't judge anyone.

Sorry for the loss of your friend.... I pray its better for him on the other side.


Frank

[Mark Olson]

sorry to hear about your friend , most of us know someone who has "opted out".

you did what you could and he did what he did.

go see your therapist waiting in the garage and go for a ride.

[83elite]

Wow Steve. So sorry to hear about Dan. Previous advice is correct; you can't take responsibility for someone else does, and obviously, Dan considered you a very close friend by confiding in you about the most serious matter in his life. As time goes by, you'll remember all the good things about Dan, rather than the bad.

I might be a bit more reflective today because it's my brother's birthday 11/11/11. He died in 1990 at age 23 of a brain aneurysm. Robert Christopher Gately would have been 45 years old today, but he'll remain 23 forever.

Remember the good things and believe that Dan is better off on the other side. This is just a trial run. Thoughts and prayers your way!

Fred

[terryk]

This is very sad stuff. And you are most certainly not to blame. Many of us have had someone we know or even love enter a life crisis for real.

We are often not trained on how to deal with people in crisis. We are all reluctant to interfere in another persons choices or their freedom. Interfering could even casue a lost friendship and is uncomfotable to say the least.

But if anyone reads this post consider what is considered to be good practice.

Training material - If a friend or loved one seems troubled, encourage that person to speak to someone who can help, such as a family physician, school counselor, religious leader, therapist, or staff person at a crisis hotline.

If someone is speaking in a way that says they are suicidal or could be contemplating suicide, he or she should not be left alone. Many people speak openly about suicide before making an attempt, especially men. Try to get the person to seek help immediately from his or her doctor or the nearest hospital emergency room, or call 911. It is also important to limit the person's access to firearms, medications, or other lethal methods for suicide.

The police will intercede and get the person help. Many state empower first responders to get the person to a hospital and be put in a safe environment for treatment even if they do not want to go.

[Mike 86 in San Dimas]

Painful stuff Steve. I recently lost my brother to cancer something I have only shared with a few here with PMs. It was the saddest time of my life. He had cancer and there were times I wished he would die so the pain would stop. He felt the same. It was sad  but a relief when the end came. I was at his side. Since your friend was still able to get around it's too bad he did not take you up on the offer for a last adventure. But his reasons were understandable. My brother did party as much as possible once the inevitable was understood. He was not able to ride the last couple of months (the whole episode was less than a year). He liked cruiser style bikes, rode a big Honda VTwin and loved to knock Harleys, so he was not all bad.
Sorry this post turned into one about my loss. Many of has have a similar experience. My point is, while the way he went was tragic, he was going soon anyway, be relieved he is not suffering anymore.
You were a good friend.
Mike