Some of you may be able to identify with this guy. I do.

[TexasDave]

TTHE MORE YOU READ THE FUNNIER IT GETS. . . COULDN'T DECIDE WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CRY !

$5.37!
That's what the
kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.
I dug into my pocket + pulled out some lint and two dimes and
something that used to be a Jolly Rancher.
Having already handed the
kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to
the truck to grab some change
when the kid with the
Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me.
He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you
the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was
talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in
front of me.
"Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.
I stood there stupefied. I am
56, not even 60 yet?
A mere child!
Senior citizen?
I took my burrito and walked
out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind?
As I sat in the truck, my blood began to
boil.
Old?
Me?
I'll show him, I thought
I opened the door & headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.
Before I could say a word, he held up something
and jingled it in front of me,
like I could be that easily distracted!
What am I now?
A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far
without your car keys, eh?"
I stared with
utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind!

"Leaving keys behind
hardly makes a man elderly!
It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck.
I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn.
What now?
I checked my keys and tried another.
Still nothing.
That's when I noticed the
purple beads hanging from my rear view
mirror.
I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.
Then, a few other objects came into focus:
The car seat in the back seat.
Happy Meal toys spread all over the
floorboard.
A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.
Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.
Moments later I was speeding out of
the parking lot, relieved to finally
be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.

That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels
of my stomach: hunger!
My stomach growled and churned,
and I reached to grab my burrito,
only it was nowhere to be found.
I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back
into the restaurant one final time.

There Elmo stood,
draped in youth and black nail polish.
All I could think was,
"What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was,
"Did I leave my food and drink in here"?

At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle,
and then go straight home and apply for
Social Security benefits.
Elmo had no clue.
I walked back out to the truck,
and suddenly a young lad came up and
tugged on my jeans to get my attention.

He was holding up a drink and a bag.
His mother explained,
"I think you left this in my
truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.
She offered these kind words:

"It's OK.
My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how
I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone.

Yessss, I was racing some punk kid
in a Toyota Prius.
And no, I told the officer,
"I'm not too old to be driving this fast."
As I walked in the front door,
my wife met me halfway down the hall.
I handed her
a bag of cold food + a $300 speeding ticket.

I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a
blankey.

The good news was
that I had successfully found my way home.

Pass this on to other "old fogies"
on your list
(so they can have fun laughing, too).

Dave

[TexasDave]

I can identify with this guy because it happened to me. When my ex was attending night classes I was baby sitting our 2 year old. I would ask her where she wanted to eat (she was talking at 1year old--got my ex's brains). Most of the time it was MacDonalds. This time she said the "blue roof restaurant". I didn't have a clue. As we drove she pointed out I HOP and sure enough it had a blue roof. I had never noticed.
Fast forward 15yrs. We still ate there and always ordered the same thing so the bill was always the same. One time the bill was slightly less and while leaving I noticed they had given me the senior citizens discount. I was only 54 at the time. I was NOT amused! My daughter thought it was hilarious. Me--not so much.

Dave

[Sparky84]

Lately Dave its been the asking "do you have a seniors card" at the counter before paying.

Enjoy it Dave its not often in life you get a discount.

Put it down to just had a hard day at Work

[red]

It also goes the other way.  (I'm a genuine Old Fart, too.)  For the guy ahead of me, the kid at the register ran out of change, and had to dig into his own pockets to give the guy his change, while the manager was scrounging up some more coinage.  My stuff came to $4.87 so I handed the kid $5.12 just to keep things moving.  The kid was totally baffled.  I told him to punch $5.12 into the register, so he did, puzzled.  The register came back with $.25 as my change.  The kid had plenty of quarters there, so he gave me one.  Transaction complete, except that now the kid was looking at me in awe.  Then he said, amazed, "you did that in your head!"  I told the kid to go back and find his school teachers, and kick them in the shins for me.  Exit laughing.
   
Back before cash registers computed the change due, any decent sales clerk knew a particular money skill that "automagically" gave the customer the correct change. Unfortunately, this special skill is called "counting," and most people will take offense today if you ask them if they know how to "count."  Anyway, it's not 1,2,3,4 either.  The good clerk would do it twice to be sure, once when the clerk pulled coins from the change drawer, and again as the clerk gave the customer their change.  There is absolutely no subtracting involved, and no paper is needed.  You start "counting" at the total purchase price, for example $4.58.  The customer hands you five dollars.  Take in hand two pennies to get to $4.59 and $4.60, then a dime ($.10) to get to $4.70, and a nickel ($.05) to get to $4.75.  One quarter ($.25) gets you to the amount paid by the customer, five dollars, and the "counting" stops there.  No calculations needed!  Schools do not teach such things now.  

Red

[ribbert]

Back before cash registers computed the change due, any decent sales clerk knew a particular money skill.......

Red

I'd forgotten about that Red.

I was at Rays Outdoors last week and saw this discount calculator (for the customers)



...and the Govt denies modern teaching methods (times tables are sooo yesterday) are failing even in such basics as the three R's.

Noel

[red]

Back before cash registers computed the change due, any decent sales clerk knew a particular money skill.......
Red

I'd forgotten about that Red.  I was at Rays Outdoors last week and saw this discount calculator (for the customers)
https://c1.staticflickr.com/5/4325/35396145263_1c3e7dcea8_c.jpg
...and the Govt denies modern teaching methods (times tables are sooo yesterday) are failing even in such basics as the three R's.
Noel

Computers actually brought us back to the slick mathematics of the ancient Egyptians, and other ancient civilizations.  Hate to say, but I think this technique beats the daylights out of endless multiplication tables.  With a bit of practice, I could get good at it, especially when working numbers above 12.  My multiplication tables in school stopped at twelve, but I remember when I was kid, the old guys thought that schools were going soft then, because they had to learn multiplication up to the 25x's in school.  
Take a giant step back . . .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-Xo2SHJiYE
-

[Pat Conlon]

...and if a customer gives you a $10 dollar bill (or any bill for that matter) you do not put that bill in your till (cash drawer) until you count out the change to the customer, and the customer accepts it.

Keep the bill on the shelf at the top of the till.

That way when a scammer says, "Wait a minute, I gave you a twenty..." You have the $10 bill on the shelf to show him what he gave you.

Back in my high school days I worked the desk in a bowling alley. I recall a scam where they would work in teams. They would write on a $20 bill "Happy Birthday love grandma"  The first guy would give the marked $20 bill to the cashier and get change. The second guy (usually a kid) would ask for change and give the cashier a $10 dollar bill. When getting change, the second kid would cry out "Wait, I gave you a $20...I can prove it, my grandmother wrote happy birthday on the $20 dollar bill".

Having that $10 bill on the shelf and not co mingling it in the till, saved me.