I think I can handle this myself.

[ribbert]

I'm a great critic of government and business increasingly trying to micro manage every facet of our lives. Everywhere we go there are signs, rules, regulations that seek to reduce us to morons incapable of performing the simplest tasks for ourselves without instruction.

I went to a dressage event in the country today (I thought I was going for a bike ride but apparently I decided horse floating would be more fun) It was serviced by dozens of portable toilets.

This instructional sticker was on the bowls:

   

After 60 years of practice I thought I might have had this one down pat by now, but noooooo. I'm just glad I didn't need a dump - there were no instructions for the toilet paper!

Noel

[cclase]

Noel, I work in a corporate environment and the total lack of marksmanship skills (and lack dignity or even simple courtesy) never ceases to amaze me...anecdotally there appears to be great need of some form of instruction!  I can only imagine what home looks like!

[TexasDave]

After taking over the plant supervisor position of an all male workforce I was amazed to find the toilet seats continuously pissed on. Posted a note on each stall door,"please raise the seat before taking a leak". Polite did not work. Had to call a meeting and inform them that they would be raised if not by hand then by foot or by something. Informed them very emphatically if caught by me they would then clean off the lid with their tongue. Problem solved. Sorry one of my pet peeves.   Dave

[Shane4371]

I grew up with sisters.I learned quick.lol

[PaulG]

This reminds me,  I recently heard...

Engineers in Utah recently designed a splash proof urinal using physics to design the bowl so no matter where you aimed there was no splash-back.  I assume provided you actually hit the bowl.

A couple of years ago I heard Danish "scientists" supposedly cured this issue by painting a fly in it where there would be no splash-back.  The theory being guys can't resist painting the target.

Don't know why they bothered judging by what's on Google:

https://www.google.ca/search?q=splash+proof+urinal&client=firefox-b&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj-p6nI-NzMAhUC94MKHVE_Bx0QsAQIOQ&biw=1366&bih=648#imgrc=_

It's like trying to cure the common cold.

At work you know there's a new crop of temps when you see footprints on the toilet seat.  I am not kidding.   

I am the youngest of 10 (9 boys 1 girl) brought up with ONE toilet - and an outhouse for emergencies or when the well ran dry.  You kept it clean or else.

If lucky we even had broken glass for dessert - but I digress.

But this is the society we have devolved to (and we actually went to the moon FFS    )

http://www.cp24.com/news/kitchener-woman-follows-car-s-gps-directions-drives-into-georgian-bay-1.2901431

[TexasDave]

Foot prints on the toilet seat are usually left by a person hiding their drugs in the suspended ceiling. Friend of mine that worked for 7-11 told me this. First person leaves money above ceiling. Second person takes money leaves drugs. First person returns to get his drugs. Said it happened at every 7-11 he ever worked at. Smart enough to hide drugs but not smart enough to wipe off foot prints on seat.   Dave

[PaulG]

Hmmmmm...  footy prints means dope?     I'll have look up more often when I sit down.  At least they aren't doing the Trainspotting-worst-toilet-in-Scotland routine....

[fj1289]

After taking over the plant supervisor position of an all male workforce I was amazed to find the toilet seats continuously pissed on. Posted a note on each stall door,"please raise the seat before taking a leak". Polite did not work. Had to call a meeting and inform them that they would be raised if not by hand then by foot or by something. Informed them very emphatically if caught by me they would then clean off the lid with their tongue. Problem solved. Sorry one of my pet peeves.   Dave

Agreed!  And the dumbasses that think they don't need to flush a urinal!  The smell of stale piss is one of the things I hate most -- instantly takes me back to all the crap hole places in the world where the value of life, much less hygene, is disregarded

[ribbert]

This reminds me,  I recently heard...

Engineers in Utah recently designed a splash proof urinal ......

I've had one of those for years, it's called a first floor balcony.

Noel

[Bones]

On our trip to Thailand a couple of years ago we went on a day trip to see the bridge on the river Kwai. Footprints on the seat or a bit of piss dribbled on it is nothing compared to what you get over there. At one rest stop there was a toilet seat that was actually built just above the floor so you had to squat if you wanted to use it plus the floor was covered in about an inch of water, obviously all the women refused to use it and went elsewhere so the men used that one, made no difference at all if your aim was good or not in that one.

Some other places over there don't have flush toilets, just big drums of water beside them with a scoop in it, so a dry seat depends on how good the person before you was good at pouring.

[TexasDave]

The Philippines was the same way. "Taking a squat" was literally that--usually in the street anytime of day. Had to watch where you stepped in that country. I notice the modern U.S. military has fancy port-o-lets to do their business in these days. In my day it was half a 55gal drum with a board across the top. When it got full kerosene was added and it was burned. This duty was known as "burning the shitters". The soldiers assigned this duty were being punished for some sort of infraction. I always made sure I didn't cause any trouble. You also made sure you were up wind of this operation. In the barracks there was a trough to piss in on the wall and the opposite wall had all the toilets with no partitions. This was great if you needed someone to throw you some toilet paper or pass you the sports section.     Dave

[cclase]

effective technique...just sayin'...

[FJmonkey]

Why leave the bike? https://www.quora.com/How-do-fighter-jet-pilots-pee-or-poop

Mike Ramos might have some good advise, he covers miles like we click through posts.....

[Alte Fahrt]

The Philippines was the same way. "Taking a squat" was literally that--usually in the street anytime of day. Had to watch where you stepped in that country. I notice the modern U.S. military has fancy port-o-lets to do their business in these days. In my day it was half a 55gal drum with a board across the top. When it got full kerosene was added and it was burned. This duty was known as "burning the shitters". The soldiers assigned this duty were being punished for some sort of infraction. I always made sure I didn't cause any trouble. You also made sure you were up wind of this operation. In the barracks there was a trough to piss in on the wall and the opposite wall had all the toilets with no partitions. This was great if you needed someone to throw you some toilet paper or pass you the sports section.     Dave

This brings back memories of when I was stationed in Korea 30 something years ago. The smell is something you'll never forget.

[PaulG]

1982
Buffalo
Rich Stadium
Who Concert
Parking Lot Port-a-Pottie
I didn't know human beings were cabable of this...