Last rant of the year

[TexasDave]

Being old and always on the lookout for well preserved older bikes I like to check craigslist frequently. Found this rant on advrider "craigslist idiot of the week" thread. Originally posted on Oregon CL and copied to advrider it is my feelings also.  Dave   


OK! First.... As I understand it, "restored" means put back to the way it was new. Not merely polished up, or professionally customized, or horribly cobbled to suit your personal taste. If you are calling your Sportster "restored" it had better look a lot like it did when it sat on the showroom floor. Most of the time people mean to say "rebuilt," and hell, they don't know what that means either...
Second.... Can we just get real about "cafe" bikes? Taking off the fender and sticking on a vinyl covered piece of plywood on for a seat does not make it a cafe bike. It makes you an idiot for ruining a good bike, and for assuming we are all idiots too. There are some beautiful cafe bikes on CL, just very rarely.... and do I understand this right: "Brat Bike" means "horribly butchered and sloppily rattle-canned until I can't ride it, and now you should buy it...?"
Third.... Don't threaten people with your plans if we don't buy your bike. I don't care if you plan to "sell it for more in the spring" if we don't buy it now! I don't care what you think it would bring on Ebay. If your so damn sure, then put it on Ebay! In fact, don't even tell me what you think it's worth. Tell me what you want for it. I know what it's worth. It's worth what it sells for, and we all have the internet now, and we all follow Ebay, so we KNOW what things are worth.
Fourth..... A pox on all the idiots selling bikes without titles who hasten to include that "titles are easy to get...." Well, again, if it was so easy then YOU WOULD HAVE DONE IT! Newsflash! Whoever holds the title on that bike can claim it, and you are out cold. If you buy a bike with no title it's a parts pile. Pay accordingly. And if it's stolen you can lose everything.
Fifth.... It you are re-posting your ad for 2 FREAKIN YEARS it means you want too much for your pile of garbage and you are drawing excessive attention to what a moron you are!
Sixth.... All your hard work in "Customizing" that bike will not pay off! Unless you are a real pro, in which case you are probably not trying to sell your stuff on CL anyway. You want max dollars for your bike? Get it as original/stock as possible. Buzzsaw butchery and chrome geegaws will not make your bike worth more. It will make it worth less. And for good reason....
Maybe I spend too much time on CL. And maybe I take to much entertainment from watching the flounderings of fools... But these are the conclusions I have drawn from watching trends. I guess I should expect that a "no-cost classified" should draw in the lowest common denominator. I also guess that this shouldn't appear in the "For Sale" section, but should appear in the "Rants and Raves" in the Personals..... But have you seen the Cretins in there? That's another story...Â
I stick this on here from time to time when I see some doofus posting some cobbled claptrap contraption, when slapping myself on the forehead just doesn't do it for me... and it keeps getting flagged, probably by some mouth breather who can't sell his XS650 for $4500 after he stretched the frame with rebar, removed the shocks and installed angle iron struts, and soaked the thing in stove paint, and robbed a Huffy for handlebars....do NOT contact me with unsolicited services

[aviationfred]

Holy smokes...... This guy hits every truth about motorcycle selling.

Makes me wonder if the $6000.00 FJ that was listed a couple of years ago, ever sold...


Fred

[fj johnnie]

 Most excellent.

[FeralRdr]

Wait a minute, is this gentleman trying to imply that putting these on my bike won't enhance it's value.



They do light up, which is a fantastic value enhancing feature.

[FJmonkey]

If they light up when tire pressure is low then they may have some value to me. Not really, I check the pressure before each ride and I am not likely to see them while riding...

[PaulG]

....after he stretched the frame with rebar, removed the shocks and installed angle iron struts...

.   

... That reminds me....

Back in the spring of 1990 while still living in London, Ontario, I saw this guy with his girl on an old Triumph.  It was extremely raked out, with angle iron struts for rear shocks, and pea shooters with what sounded like no baffles (basically straight pipes).  I thought "what an idiot, what a maroon, what a nincompoop!"   

Later that year I went to the Isle of Man TT.  I ended up going with a small group of people I didn't know.  Sometime while there we were talking shit, and I brought this up, relating how I thought it was idiotic to butcher a bike like that.  Purposely making it far worse than it was originally.

One of the guys piped up and said, "Oh yeah, that would have been me and the wife here."

  Oops!   

All ended well though as I spent most days on my own, and my evenings drinking with the Germans at the campsite beside us.  They were a lot more fun.

[ribbert]

........ and my evenings drinking with the Germans .....  They were a lot more fun.

Are you sure they were Germans?

Noel

[PaulG]

Are you sure they were Germans?

Noel

Any country that could invent Octoberfest - where you try to consume as much beer as inhumanly possible for a whole month - must have a sense of humour somewhere in there.   

Besides, they sprachen Deutsche.  Now the Swiss..... that's another matter....   

[anson45]

As a 20 plus years member of the Yamaha XS650 Society, and owner of many XS650's  since 1972 I firmly believe there is a special place in hell for people who cut the frame of a vertical twin. As to Cafe'd 650's, although at one time I considered it to be the natural evolutionary step of a 650, I am  flat out tired of the "cookie cutter" looks of 97% of the current bunch. Mine current XS650H is "stock with upgrades".
Thank you TexasDave for your rant,
Anson

[TexasDave]

My 81 XS650 also. Best mod was new springs, valves and seals in the anemic stock front forks. Bronze swing arm bushings to replace the cheap nylon ones all UJM's came with during this period and new rear shocks. Made a world of difference in the handling. Most fun was backward racing other XS's when on the center stand.  Dave