help me... i dont know what to do...

[Bones]

Sorry Noel, at least it's out of the way now and you can enjoy breakky tomorrow

[ken65]

c'mon Noel, you've had a tin of braised steak and onions on toast before for breaky haven't ya., hahaha

can't help me self old fella...


ken

[ribbert]

....But the last two weeks I have not sh*t........

What I love about this, you're uninhibited enough to announce to the whole world, every far flung corner of it, that you haven't had a shit for two weeks but coy enough to replace the "i" with an asterisk.



I can't believe FJ owners (and by now their family, friends and work mates) the world over are waiting with baited breath for a bowel movement.

Mike, keep us informed, in one word or less.  You are excused from the "pictures or it didn't happen" rule on this occasion.

Noel

[ribbert]

Sorry Noel, at least it's out of the way now and you can enjoy breakky tomorrow

Yeah, but what if there's an update? Heaven help us if we get a detailed description of success.

Noel

[The General]

c'mon Noel, you've had a tin of braised steak and onions on toast before for breaky haven't ya., hahaha

can't help me self old fella...


ken

Brings a hole new meaning ta Tom`s Piper! 

[ribbert]

c'mon Noel, you've had a tin of braised steak and onions on toast before for breaky haven't ya., hahaha

ken

Jeez Ken, even the thought of it..........   I've never been that hungry.

Noel

[Dan Filetti]

There is this disgusting liquid stuff, magnesium citrate, usually works pretty well. If a bottle of that doesn't fix you in an hour or so, you might be ER material.

+1 on the mag citrate. Work from both ends. Use a couple of stool softener suppositories.

If this does not work within a couple of hours, get to a doctor ASAP.

2 weeks is entirely too long. You are at a high risk of sepsis. DO NOT fuck around with this condition.

My thoughts exactly, you are in danger dude.  Don't fuck around with this.  If you have not gone to the Dr, by the time you read this, stop what you are doing, and go. 

If you do not take care of yourself, there is a high likelyhood that no one else will.

Take care,

dan

[Zwartie]

This has got to be one of the weirdest subjects on this forum. Do we need a new section labeled "Medical Advice"?

[~JM~]

Sounds like a warm coffee colonic is in order, before you turn into this guy.

Seriously... There are places where you can just drop in & have this procedure done.
http://altmedicine.about.com/od/coloncleanse/a/colonic.htm
Supposedly makes you feel like a million bucks after the dam breaks.

Good luck.

[JPaganel]

This has got to be one of the weirdest subjects on this forum. Do we need a new section labeled "Medical Advice"?

I've been to more than one forum where they have that. One has a section that allows anonymous posting for the especially embarrassing problems.

[mikedastonfj1100]

Ok.... I'm back... I see things hot too wierd on here... I need to figure out how to delete this thread.... Anyways for results.... Much better....for now anyways....

[JPaganel]

PRUNES!

[novaraptor]

Does Vegimite keep one regular? anyone, anyone, monkey...monkey...

[FJmonkey]

Does Vegimite keep one regular? anyone, anyone, monkey...monkey...

Not sure, can't keep enough of it to tell, the wife and kids eat it all up before I get to it.

[novaraptor]

hey Mike, you're in the right age group. Do you eat dry ramen noodles as a snack? Your symptoms match with some patients that have been treated for that. The dry ramen expands when wet, and the situation is like feeding dry rice to pigeons.. Locks up the system. And if you eat a lot of cooked ramen, don't just go the 3 minutes like the container says. Give it another 4 or 5 minutes to fully soften and expand.. Hope that helps..