Computer Tech Support

[TexasDave]

Subject: Tech support

Too funny!!!

This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills (AND the job you have if it is not in Tech Support)!

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...

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Tech support: Click on the 'My Computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he
can't find it..

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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.

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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.

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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer..

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first email.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

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This one and the next are our personal favorites!
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.   The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'

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And last but not least!
Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.  Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P' on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!


Dave(almost completely computer illiterate) Had to get a new computer with a new operating system because $%^#@$*microsoft quit supporting the previous operating system---I'm to old to have to learn another way of doing everything!!!

[Capn Ron]

I always enjoy these, because I worked the phones in a service department at a computer store in San Diego years ago.  I can verify that these types of calls came in almost every day!

Most of our calls were from people who bought systems from us and were having issues.

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Customer:  "Uhhh, I dropped my monitor in the swimming pool...is it okay to plug it in?"
Me:  "Are there any family members in the pool?"   

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Customer:  "The monitor you sold me doesn't have a screen!"
Me: (after a very puzzling conversation)  "Why don't you bring it in and we'll check it out for you."
She showed up about an hour later with the monitor in hand, but didn't have the base attached to it.  She set it on the counter GLASS SIDE DOWN and screamed, "SEE!!!  YOU tell ME where the screen is!!!"   

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A customer called complaining about his monitor...says the image was skewed.  I told him to bring it by and I'll check it out while he waits.  I put it up on our test bench and tuned it on...I then called him back to show me what he was referring to.  When he saw the blank glow of the screen, he said with panic in his voice, "Where did all my programs go???!!!"  "Umm..you do know they're not kept IN the monitor...??"   

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I had an end user e-mail the help desk with the subject line, "Need more dick space."  I replied saying I would NOT be helping him out with that!   

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Anyway, those are just a few that popped into my head.  Never a dull day in customer service!

[Pat Conlon]

We had a guy at work call the IT dept complaining that the coffee cup holder on his computer was broken...

Doug,our IT tech said..."huh?"

Turns out, he was using his DVD tray as his coffee cup holder

The horrors of unskilled labor.....

[JPaganel]

Welcome to my life. I am a support analyst for a software company.

Granted, the problems we get are typically a lot more involved, but I have seem my share of goofy ones. And yes, I've had someone send in an email asking for help with a "hard dick issue".