Ole--The man of the da house

[TexasDave]

  Ole...Man of da house

Ole
  had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be the Man of Your
  House."

The following morning he vent over to his wife in the kitchen
  and announced,

"From now on Lena, you need to know dat I am da man of
  dis house and my vord iss Law! You vill prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and
  vhen I'm finished
eating my meal, you vill serve me a sumptuous dessert.
  After dinner, you are
going to go upstairs vitt me and... vell... you get
  da point.

"Later, you're going to draw me a batt so I can relax. You
  vill vash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.... Den, you vill
  massage my feet and hands. Den tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and
  comb my hair?"

Without even looking up from her breakfast Lena replied,
  "Da funeral director vould be my first guess."


Anyone of Norwegian descent has heard their share of Ole and Lena jokes---Dave

[Dads_FJ]

Ole jokes are 'da bomb.

Each Friday night after work, Ole would fire up his outdoor grill on the shore of Hot Carl Lake and cook a venison steak. But, all of Ole's neighbors
were Catholic... And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks wafted over Pine Island all the way to Chatfield and Eyota , and was causing such a problem for the
Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

After the Priest came to visit Ole, and suggested that he become a Catholic, several classes and much study, Ole attended Mass.....and as the priest
sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Lutheran, and raised a Lutheran, but now you are a Catholic."

Ole's neighbors were relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Ole's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Ole, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You vuz born a deer, you vuz raised a deer, but now you is a walleye."

[red]

Maybe the only thing better than Lena and Ole jokes are the Sven and Ole jokes . . .

Sven and Ole were always taking chances with their health and lives, and one day, they both lost the bet, on a  high snow-covered bridge.  Now these two guys were not known for high morals and clean living, so they both got the Going-Down escalator.  When they got to hell, of course, there was a problem.  They ripped off their parkas, and were rejoicing in the heat of the flames.  Now the staff was kinda baffled, so they called in their boss.  Satan looked things over, and asked them why they seemed to be enjoying themselves.
"Oh," says Ole, "ve are from the North country, and ve have never been this hot before!  This place is great!  Nice place you have here, Mr. Devil!"
Satan was taken aback, but he would not let this rejoicing go unchallenged.  He ordered all of the flames to be extinguished, and all the windows to be opened to the icy cold of empty space.
He came back the next day, to check up on Sven and Ole.  Snow was in the air, and icicles hung from the pipes everywhere.
Sven and Ole were laughing, cheering, and dancing around grinning.  They had the barbecue going, steaks grilling, and beers were stashed in the snow.  They had their parkas on again, wearing their mucklucks, mittens, and their earlap fur hats.  Satan was furious.
"This is freezing cold in here," he roared, "and you two are HAPPY?!  I thought you two liked it HOT!"
Ole answered, "Oh, Mr. Devil, ve are from Minnesota, and ve know cold.  THIS isn't so cold, maybe a bit nippy, but NAH, not so cold as where ve lived."  Satan was pissed, but still, he was kinda curious anyway.
"I still don't understand!" wails the Devil.  "I plan to make you two miserable forever!  Why are you two PARTYING!?"
"Well," says Ole, "this place really ain't so bad, and as for the party, well, if hell has frozen over . . . 
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"THE VIKINGS WON THE SUPERBOWL !!    THE VIKINGS WON THE SUPERBOWL !!"