I can be such an asshole

[Pat Conlon]

Last Halloween I had a unfortunate incident.

I like to assume the role as a hairy demented gorilla when trick or treaters come to my house. It works like this, I get into the outfit and when I hear a knock on the door, I swing it open while I'm squatting, then stand up to my full height and yell out (quite loudly)
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

The older kids love it....however...

I did my routine last year only to find a pair of darling 3 year old sisters, holding hands, dressed as ballerinas....who immediately began to cry.....then turned around and ran screaming down the walkway to their parents who were standing in the street....shit. I need to come up with a better system.

I figure I have about another 10 years in this house before I'll have to move out of the neighborhood.
'Cause I know those girls will be back to burn my house down. Serves me right....

[~JM~]

Hell... I do that almost daily & I don't even have a costume.

~JM~

[Bminder]

Oh wait Pat, here she is:

[The General]

Starting to catch on here.  My daughter overheard some kids talk`n about the apparent common term of "Eggin". It`s for those houses that don`t give them anything.

So I strategically hid a carton of `em near the side fence for defence purposes... should a war break out!

I kept reconnaissance up till late...but no sign of any incoming...in fact no sign of the enemy all night!...bloody kids and their digital communications!...gunna have to beef up security on my intelligence department!...I suspect there`s a wikid leak! 

[Vsekvsek]

No, the real a hole is the one handing out letters to fat kids telling them no candy for them because they are fat.
Your just getting to the spirit of things.

[bigbore2]

I agree, just getting into the swing of things.  But how about as you open the door, take 1 second to look and size up the youngin's and respond to the little ones like a goofy monkey instead of a rabid beast.

[FJmonkey]

I agree, just getting into the swing of things.  But how about as you open the door, take 1 second to look and size up the youngin's and respond to the little ones like a goofy monkey instead of a rabid beast.

Goofy monkey, really? I do that every day, it's a curse (and a blessing) to be the Monkey...

Pat just saved them girls from ever needing Sees candies every Valentine's day. They might reach for the crack pipe more often but the candy is off the agenda...   

I hope the therapy is going well for them...

[Pat Conlon]

Yea, I should have toned down my delivery, but in my defense, I could not see very well out of the mask and it was kinda dark with the dim bulb I put in the porch light..... A poor excuse I know, I know...

I can't imagine acting like a goofy monkey with all the fake blood dripping out the mouth of the mask....

Don't know about therapy for those little girls, I really scared them..

but I did notice (as expected) that they were a no show this year....

Maybe next year.

[CanDman]

How bout for next year....instead of Monkey see monkey do (sorry Mark).......why not Asshole be......Asshole poo......when you open the door next time..........there's a big ASS ....then pull a string and the pants drop down.....and then drop a chocolate bar out of the hole.....you could even have a big sign over the  But.....saying.. "this is for being such a big ass last year"........this would definitely turn things around for you...

Candy Man