Little Johny

[Joe Sull]

Little Johny's first grade class teacher asks the class to make up a story. She said "I want
you all to think of something that happened to you on the way to school today and make up
a little story about it. Little Johny immediately put his hand up. "OU! OU OU ME ME ME!"
The teacher tried to completely ignore Johny because she was worried of what would come
out of his mouth but not one of the other kids raised there hand. "Allright Johny" she says"
"You stand up and tell your story first."

Little Johny stands up and faces the class and says
"I was on my way to school this morning and I stopped at the crosswalk. There was a motorcycle
coming and I was watching him go thru the lights when this asshole came out of nowhere...
The teacher interupts Johny and says "That rectum, Johny"
Johny says "Wrecked'm, dam near killed'm"

[FJ111200]

This bloke goes to the doctor and says, "doctor I can't pronounce the letters f, t and h", obviously he could just at that precise time but you get the gist,
the doctor turns to the bloke and says, " well you can't say fairer than that then".

Another bloke goes to the doctor and says, " doctor I cant stop singing the Green Green Grass of Home",
the doctor says " yes it's the Tom Jones syndrome, but It's Not Unusual",

now here's one that probably only UK members will get,

A woman goes to the doctor and says, " doctor everytime I go to the toilet and pull my pants down my cunt starts singing "Glory Glory Man United",
the doctor looks at the woman and says, "yes that's a problem we're starting to hear more of, a lot of cunts sing that".

[Joe Sull]

  I love English jokes. Extremely dry. I don't get the first one and that the funniest one of all.

[rlucas]

I love English jokes. Extremely dry. I don't get the first one and that the funniest one of all.

"Fairer than that, then." As in, "you've said it all." (sorta)

I get the last one, too.  Not an Arsenal fan, eh?


rossi

[FJ111200]

I love English jokes. Extremely dry. I don't get the first one and that the funniest one of all.

Can you speak English?

How do you confuse an Irishman?

Put two shovels against a wall and tell him to take his pick.

[FJ111200]

I get the last one, too.  Not an Arsenal fan, eh?


rossi

Too right.  Liverpool all the way.   There is a great rivalry between Liverpool and Manchester, only 30 miles but it's like a whole world. 

Arsenal?  Who the fook are they?

[Dads_FJ]

A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.' The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.

Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.'

The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate'

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated
because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.

Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'

[Joe Sull]

The guy that told the "wrecked'm dam near killed'm" joke was my super. He would forget he told us and tell it again, over and over. Then anyone we met on a job he told. He only new one joke and that was it.
If he ever heard "fasten eight" he would have latched onto it like a pitbull! Good one!