Speak the language

[Joe Sull]

Speak the language
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official
language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the
negotiations, Her Majesty's govt. conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement
and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish":

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c" ...Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants
jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion
and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words
like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will
enkorage the removal of doubleletters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate spelling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and
they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!
_________________________