You can tune a piano...but you can't tuna fish
To write with a broken pencil is...well, pointless
When fish are in schools, they sometimes...take debate
A thief who stole a calendar...got twelve months
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles...U.C.L.A
The batteries were given out...free of charge
A dentist and a manicurist married...They fought tooth and nail
A will is a...dead giveaway
With her marriage, she got a new name...and a dress
A boiled egg is...hard to beat
When you've seen one shopping center...you've seen a mall
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was...resisting a rest
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now!
A bicycle can't stand alone...it is two tired
When a clock is hungry...it goes back four seconds
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine...was fully recovered
He had a photographic memory...which was never developed
Those who get too big for their britches will be...exposed in the end
When she saw her first strands of grey hair...she thought she'd dye
Acupuncture is...a jab well done.
I have been waiting months for someone to post another good joke......well I'm still waiting.
Dave
Meek offender is jailed for tax fraud,
Tossed into cell with large, intimidating felon, "Bubba"
Several minutes of silence are broken when Bubba says "So, you wanna be the Daddy or the Momma"?
Tax cheat thinks to himself for a minute and blurts out "I'll be the DADDY!"
Bubba says "OK, now get over here and start suckin Momma's D..."
A man wanted to get married. :dash2:
He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
...and on another note:
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.